'Rocky' Superfan Ranks the Franchise, from Worst to Best

7. 'ROCKY V'

1990

When I think of “Rocky V,” I think of the Red Sox winning the 2004 American League Championship Series: It never should have happened. And we should acknowledge this movie only in hushed tones. Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) retires, and all of a sudden, his flashy cars are being carted away. He’s lost millions and has to move into Paulie’s (Burt Young) house in the old ’hood.

The alternative title should be “The MC Hammer Story.” (He coincidentally provided the terrible “That’s What I Said” for the soundtrack.)

Rocky has fallen so far that he’s fighting a mini-mulleted Tommy “Machine” Gunn (played by the late Tommy Morrison) — in the streets. The streets! He went from the world stage in IV to the seedy pavement of Philly. Have some damn respect for yourself, Rocky.

Redeemable Moment: Elton John’s cheesy but catchy ballad, “Measure of a Man.”

6. 'ROCKY BALBOA'

2006

Picture this: It’s 2006. Rocky is an old dude now. His beloved wife, Adrian (Talia Shire), has died, and he owns a restaurant serving basic Italian fare. He has no business fighting a young buck, played by Antonio Tarver. (Or perhaps even making another “Rocky” movie after “V.”) But he does. And if you think this picture inspires little confidence, you wouldn’t be alone. It was downright ridiculous.

To ensure I enjoyed it, I took a bus to Philadelphia with a childhood friend and watched it in an old theatre with rickety seats. Afterward, we ran up the museum steps. So my take on it may be clouded by nostalgia, but despite its cheap plot, the movie was surprisingly heavy on the heartstrings. Paulie has mellowed, Stallone still has the chops to box, and he reconnects with his son.

Highlight: Milo Ventimiglia (“This is Us”) plays his son.