Can't Run Windows Update: Error 0X800F081F

My system has been stuck in this for ~2 months. Windows Update states I've missing security and quality fixes with the following message:

There were some problems installing updates, but we'll try again later. If you keep seeing this 
and want to search the web or contact support for information, this may help: (0x800f081f)

After a lot of Googling, I've tried a few things to fix it with no luck:

sfc

sfc /scannow

this always returns:

Beginning system scan.  This process will take some time.

Beginning verification phase of system scan.
Verification 100% complete.

Windows Resource Protection did not find any integrity violations.

DISM.exe

I run:

DISM.exe /Online /Cleanup-image /Restorehealth

which always returns:

Deployment Image Servicing and Management tool Version: 10.0.19041.329

Image Version: 10.0.19041.388

[==========================100.0%==========================] The restore operation completed successfully. The operation completed successfully.