If You Consistently Do These Things, You're a 'Dating Chameleon' | Chelli Pumphrey
Do You Have a Tendency to Act Like a Chameleon? and No, I Don’t Mean You're a Lizard! a "Dating Chameleon" Is Someone Who Fears Standing Out. They Blend in to...
Do you have a tendency to act like a chameleon?
And no, I don’t mean you're a lizard!
A "dating chameleon" is someone who fears standing out. They blend in to find approval and love.
In short, you may share parts of yourself, but you have a deep fear that if you allow yourself to be yourself, they won't accept and love you.
So, you pretend to be something you're not. You take the shape of the kind of person you think someone will like. You're a chameleon.
How a 'dating chameleon' might act
If you're a dating chameleon, you might pretend to like golf when you think it’s boring. You pretend to agree with his conservative political beliefs when you’re really a tree-hugging liberal. You might act interested despite a feeling of boredom.
You pretend it’s OK for him not to text you for three days because you don’t want to appear "needy" but, inside, you feel like a wreck.
Women are often connectors and pleasers. We are really good at walking on eggshells to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. We're also really good at denying our own needs and desires.
The strongest women can struggle with deep feelings of inadequacy and feeling unlovable, even while they're in a relationship.
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Why do some people become 'dating chameleons?'
You become a dating chameleon for many reasons.
Maybe you’re tired of the dating scene and you’re trying to convince yourself that he’s "the one," even though your gut says otherwise.
Maybe you’re tired of being alone on Friday nights and feel like a mediocre date is better than no date at all. Maybe you believe that you’re not good enough to find the love that you really desire.
Maybe that clock is ticking and you’re the last of your friends to get married. Or maybe you’ve seen generations of "settling" and believe that’s just how relationships work.
But, this isn't the best dating advice to follow. In fact, it can be the worse thing you can do for yourself and the other person.
Marcus Vance is a cybersecurity auditor and technology writer dedicated to educating the public about online safety, data privacy regulations, enterprise security, and emerging cyber threats.
